what we measure up/down to

How to Make Your Own Oscillating Adolescent

Ingredients:
1 female child
2 tablespoons of dreams
1/2 cup of the past
3 teaspoons of aspiration
1 cup of misfortune

Steps:
1) Sift your child with a mix of characteristic spices and stop when the kid has developed a personality.
2) Mix the others ingredients, all excluding misfortune, together on a medium setting for 6-8 years.
3) Once done, place the mix in the outside world at 350 degrees for 2/3 years.
4) Remove the kid from society after the said time and examine for teenage characteristics.
5) Check to see if the now teenager has become angsty and place in a plate of expectations.
6) Generously pour misfortune on the teenager and let sit for another year or so.


I didn't have this whole recipe in mind when begging this post but decided that it would be fun to create; though, the recipe doesn't flow as much as I anticipated it represents how I feel. As of now it is D-DAY 7. Seven more days till the SAT and a bit more and I'll be done with my Junior years of high school. I've wrote and said this hundreds of time by now yet truly I'm excited and so, so scared for my final year of high school. Taking the SAT finalizes everything even more as it represents all I have worked for in school and converts what I am/what I know into a four digit number. Based mostly on this number and others will my future be decided within a matter of months.

All I can do now is try to out my best forward. I've taken my other exams so left is the dreaded SAT and my finals and all I can do is try my best. What I measure up to can I only hope to be what I see of myself and what other do. I feel as if I'll be betraying others hopes if I end up measuring down to something not expected. (But with hope only being able to get one so far I'm scared more. Truthfully, I know that I'm going to tear up once I receive my scores because I know that I have potential, we all do, but I've wasted my all on things that don't matter.)

George Eliot wrote that "it;s never too late to be what [one] might have been" and I'm wishing/hoping/dreaming that it's true.

- Zaynab